|
|
TOSHIBA, Fall COMDEX, Las Vegas 2002
"GET SMARTER"
(page 1 of 3)
SCENE ONE: warehouse, lower level
As a variation of the music from the old "GET SMART" television show plays, a brand new "GET SMARTER" title treatment appears on screen, followed by subtitle text, with typewriter SFX: TOSHIBA HEADQUARTERS, CYBERSPACE DIVISION, LAS VEGAS, NEVADA. Time: THE PRESENT.
Lights illuminate the lowest level of the stage to reveal Maxwell Smart's 29 year old son, Zack, in the warehouse basement, staring intently at a Toshiba TekBright computer monitor. His sister Susan enters from upstairs, wearing a Toshiba name tag.
SUSAN
Zack, how many times do I have to tell you the copier is on the left and the paper shredder is on the right?
His fingers are tapping madly over the keyboard. He is sweating, tense. The muscles in his face are twitching.
ZACK
Can't talk right now, sis. The fate of the entire world depends on me!
SUSAN
Oh, Zack.
ZACK
We're up against the most devious and nefarious organization on the planet.
SUSAN
Tech support?
She steps closer and looks over his shoulder. A bright FLASH erupts from the screen. We hear the sound of an EXPLOSION coming from the computer and a musical punctuation.
ZACK
Would you believe ... DOOM?
Defeated but non-plussed, he ends the game.
ZACK
Ah well. All that blood and gore on this beautiful TekBright monitor was starting to get just a little TOO real for me anyway.
As Zack steps away from the computer, we see a bullet-hole and a splotch of blood on the front of his shirt.
SUSAN
Why don't you make yourself useful? How's that correspondence course in espionage coming along?
ZACK
Couldn't be better, sis. My latest assignment is logging the names and phone numbers of every one of KAOS's League of Imposters. But it's slow going. Most of them are at COMDEX running booths for the competition.
SUSAN
Why don't you use the new Toshiba DVD-RAM Drive? With its 1350Kb per second write and read speed and 5.2 gig storage capacity, it's perfect for a data-archiving challenge like that.
ZACK
Good idea, sis. Like dad always says, "Never lick a dead horse in the mouth".
SUSAN
It's an add-on. But it only takes a minute to hook it up.
ZACK
Wait one second, sis. It took 15 years to get recordable CDs. DVD has only been around for two. And you're talking both read and write capabilities. I don't get it.
SUSAN
Well, now it's here, Zack, and it's got Toshiba's name all over it. Bigtime. Not only that, the Toshiba DVD-RAM reads DVD-ROM, DVD-Video, DVD-R, CD-Audio, CD-R, CD-RW and all CD-ROM media.
ZACK
That's great, sis!
SUSAN
I knew you'd like it.
ZACK
I could go a lot faster if the X wasn't missing on this keyboard.
SUSAN
What? That's a brand new Toshiba 7000 series Equium, with InTouch Multi-Function. There's no better equipped computer on the market. What do you mean the X is missing?
ZACK
I mean exactly that, sis. Have a squint for yourself.
Susan examines the keyboard on which Zack has been playing his game. Then she opens a box and looks at another unit, then another, and another.
SUSAN
Zack, you're right! Somebody has stolen the X's on all of these keyboards! Who on earth would do something like that?
ZACK
There's only one man on the face of the planet who's THAT mean!
SUSAN
Could it be?
At that moment, the screens above their heads crackle and burst to life with the menacing laugh and heinous image of KAOS super-hacker, Seigfried Jr..
SEIGFRIED JR.
Hahahhaha!
ZACK
Son of a Seigfried ...
SEIGFRIED JR.
You fools! While you've been frittering your lives away playing computer games, KAOS and I have been busy. By the time we're done with you, Y2K will look like a nursery school puzzle. Your customers won't know Toshiba from Roto-Rooter!
SUSAN
Not him!
SEIGFRIED JR.
For starters, girly, you might want to check out your picture on the Toshiba web page. Our KAOS cosmetologists have treated you to a little "makeover". Hahahhaha!
Seigfried Jr's image decays on screen.
SUSAN
(with sudden urgency)
Oh, for goodness sake! Let's see what damage he's done. Quick! Get online, Zack, now!
Zack jumps back on the Equium 7000, fingers dancing over the keyboard. We hear the white noise of a modem connecting.
SEIGFRIED JR.
(voice only)
Velcum. You got mail. Mmmm-hahahaha!
An advertisement recruiting KAOS operatives pops on screen. The KAOS logo (a vulture perched on top of a globe) is positioned above the following stacked text:
Zis is KAOS
ZACK
AOL spam.
Zack clicks the "No Thanks" radio button and the KAOS advertisement on screen resolves to Toshiba's website, featuring an altered picture of Susan. One tooth is blacked out. She has a cartoon-marker black eye. A moustache and goatee have been drawn on her face. Hastily scrawled writing pencils out the words "For a good time, call ..."
SUSAN
(gasping)
That fiend!
ZACK
This is one sneaky, sinister situation, sis. Let's get started.
SUSAN
Okay. Where do we begin?
ZACK
Well, we know that Seigfried Jr. is secretly using those Toshiba X's to not only start World War Three, but to decide the winner. And we know who's side HE's on.
SUSAN
We do?
ZACK
If we don't act fast, he'll completely smear the Toshiba name and bring the free world to its knees, leaving a bloody trail of death and destruction everywhere he goes.
SUSAN
Not to mention that crappy picture of me on the Internet. Next thing you know, he'll put my home number up there too.
ZACK
Not a snowball's chance, sis. With Toshiba, we have a secret weapon.
SUSAN
What's that?
ZACK
Unsurpassably high GQ.
SUSAN
GQ?
ZACK
Gismodic Quotient. This is so simple, it hurts.
SUSAN
Okay. What did you have in mind?
ZACK
We bang off a replacement shot with Toshiba's PDR-5 digital camera with Image Expert Download and Removable Smart Media card, then we use the blazing fast Magnia 5000 Server upstairs to re-post it to the Web.
SUSAN
Sounds like a plan. Let's do it!
Zack whips out the camera while Susan strikes a "glamorous" pose.
ZACK
Beautiful, beautiful. Work with me, babe. Smile with your eyes. The camera loves you.
SUSAN
Oh, Zack!
The built-in flash in the PDR-5 ignites. Zack removes the Smart Media Card and inserts it into an Equium 100, set up in another niche of the warehouse.
SUSAN
That's the ultra-slim 300 meg Toshiba Equium 100 desktop, with built-in digital LCD flat-panel display, and a 4 gig hard drive. This shouldn't take long at all.
An image of Susan instantly appears on the overhead screens as birds chirp and violin music swells in the background. It's a striking beauty shot of the body of a drop-dead gorgeous model, with Susan's face superimposed on her head.
ZACK
Hmmmm. Not bad.
SUSAN
No duh. This is fabulous! Do you mind if I print out a few copies for that cute guy in the mailroom?
ZACK
Okay, but hurry it up. It's not like we're in the middle of an international crisis or anything.
SUSAN
Send the file to my workstation in the Clean Room!
