"GET SMARTER"
(page 2 of 3)
SCENE TWO: Toshiba clean room, middle level
Zack jumps on the computer as the image on the big screen dissipates. Susan, meanwhile, dashes to the Toshiba "clean room" on the next level and stalks onto her workstation. With a few of Zack's deft strokes on the keyboard, the Toshiba DP2460 color copier begins to whir. Susan grabs the copy and is immediately lost in reverie, admiring the glamorized image of herself. For the moment, Zack remains in the warehouse/basement level, staring intently at the overhead screens.
Images on screen have segued to a montage of scenes of mass destruction: bombs going off, mushroom clouds, buildings imploding, earthquakes, fires, tornadoes, panic in the streets, etc. A little graphic bug in the corner reads: Happy News LIVE.
ZACK
Uh, sis? Make it snappy, will you? Our friend Seigfried is being a busy little beaver.
(beat)
Oh, sis! Hello-ooo. Do you copy?
SUSAN
Of course I do, Zack. With Toshiba's amazing DP2460 digital copier and SC-1 Controller, I can print from my computer directly to the copier. This eliminates having to go to the printer for an original and then to the copier for copies. Now my Toshiba digital copier IS the printer, as well as the copier. Can you imagine how much this will improve the productivity of my work group?
Zack follows her to the second level. Images on screen fade to black.
ZACK
We can talk about office politics later, sis. At this point, we need to focus on keeping the world safe from the ravages of KAOS and Seigfried Jr.'s League of Imposters.
SUSAN
Oh, I spose ...
ZACK
Now let's post that picture to the World Wide Web. Flip the switch on that Magnia 5000 Server.
She does as Zack punches a few keys on the laptop keyboard of a Toshiba Portege 3010 sitting on the counter. An ultra-thin Toshiba LCD panel is nearby, with a flashing arrow pointing to the Portege 3010, top-lining some of its features and benefits: 128 bit NeoMagic graphics accelerator, EDO RAM, Windows 98 via Web utilities and drivers. Zack looks at the super thin LCD sideways.
ZACK
Is there another angle on this?
Music swells. Toshiba's website appears on the big screen, with Susan's new picture featured over text: "Employee of the Month". They give each other the "high 5".
ZACK
Mission accomplished!
SUSAN
Until Seigfried Jr. strikes again. Why is he so evil anyway?
ZACK
I don't know. But just last week one of our agents dropped into headquarters after being thrown from an airplane with a bullet hole between the eyes, a knife sticking out of his back and a bloodstream consisting entirely of arsenic and battery acid. And he had a little "love note" from our friend Seigfried nailed to his chest. They said it was suicide.
SUSAN
That's pretty evil.
ZACK
I'm telling you, sis, the man is so evil, he even holds himself hostage.
SUSAN
Wow.
ZACK
I almost caught him that day, but I got tripped up in a series of bizarre coincidences involving a bungie jumper, a wrecking ball and a runaway killer whale.
SUSAN
Sounds hectic.
ZACK
Not only that, Seigfried Jr. is the only human being on the planet capable of reading every page of the Starr Report without dying of boredom.
SUSAN
Yikes.
Again, the image of Seigfried JR. on screen crackles into focus, this time chomping on a huge cigar.
SEIGFRIED JR.
Speaking of which, there is someone here at KAOS who would like to say hello ...
A photograph of Ken Starr bound and gagged appears on screen, holding a time-bomb, as we hear his pleading, muffled voice.
SUSAN
They've kidnapped Ken Starr!
SEIGFRIED JR.
Pity he won't be around long enough to figure out what REALLY happened in the Oval Office. By the time we're done with Mr. Starr, he'll be reduced to a steaming pile of flesh ...
There is a flash and an explosion on screen, as the image crackles and reduces to a tiny television blip.
SUSAN
Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!
ZACK
You dastards!
SEIGFRIED JR.
Close but no cigar, my little humidors. Give it up. Resistance is futile! Hahahahahaha!
SUSAN has a sudden, desperate inspiration.
SUSAN
Wait! There's one more thing! I don't know why I didn't think of it before!