WHY THE CHICKEN
CROSSED THE ROAD ...
GEORGE W. BUSCH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is with us or against us. There's no middle ground here.
JACQUES CHIRAC
The chicken has rights, mais oui? We care not whether the chicken crosses the road, since the U.S. will claim her eggs regardless of which side of the road she lays them, n'est pas?
TONY BLAIR
It's clear to Her Majesty's government that the chicken has disguised and hidden her eggs, which, under extraordinary circumstances, can certainly be used as weapons of mass destruction.
COLIN POWELL
Now at the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
HANS BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not been allowed access to the other side of the road.
MOHAMMED SAEED A-SAHHAF
(Ex-Iraqi Information Minister)
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.
RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a hard-working American.
RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I bet it was getting a government grant, and I bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take?
MARTHA STEWART
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken is gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth when it's right in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side". That's what they call it - the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort this abomination out.
GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens crossing the road in peace.
VOLTAIRE
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.
FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road
with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you
believe it?
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.
FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned with the fact that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
ERNEST HEMMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain.
MACHIAVELLI:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. The act of crossing it justifies whatever motive there was.
DR. SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, we've not been told!
COLONEL SANDERS:
What, I missed one?
SADDAM HUSSEIN:
It was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping the mother of all nerve gas on it.
L.A. POLICE DEPARTMENT:
Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
RONALD REAGAN:
What chicken?
BILL GATES:
I have just released Chicken Coop 2003, which will not only cross the road, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Microsoft Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of the operating system.
BILL CLINTON:
By your definition, I did not cross the road with ANY chicken, for to be chicken would mean to NOT cross, so you see, because a chicken did cross, it was not a chicken and that means that I have nothing to hide whatsoever. I did, however, ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York.